It's time to talk Mental Illness!!
Further to my personal mission to make Mental Illness a topic we take out of the dark secret spot behind the skeleton in our closets and thrust it into the glaring white spotlight where we all can share, I give you my life as I live it.
Ebbs and flows are the twists and turns I find while I play this game of Depressionopoly. Much like the housing market, it's not something that can be evaluated in the short term. Overall, the market trend is up. Surprisingly, with the elimination of one of my "Magic Meds", I feel both mentally and physically better. I still have so far to go. Sometimes, the sun is a pinhead on the horizon, yet others it glows larger than the entire sky. Either way, I know it's there, and dark as life can get, I just remind myself that the sun will come.
Conversely, El Anxietico has tightened its grip on my life. At my worst, I find it impossible to walk out the front door. At my best, I'm able to do simple things involving minimal public interaction. What surprises and frustrates me the most about all of it is how beyond my control it seems to be. I'm mystified that someone of my intelligence and experience is afraid to leave home.
A little while ago, a close friend called me midday asking if I'd like to join her that evening at karaoke, one of my passions, and received my standard reply of I'll see how I feel. I ended to call only to be overtaken by a FULL ON panic attack, because of the THOUGHT of leaving the house (which we all knew wasn't going to happen anyway). To relax, I took my boy Banksy for a walk around the block and vomited midway. All of this because of a thought?? Seriously?
Lucky for me I have a couple incredible and supportive friends that have stayed with me along my trip through Crazyland, who patiently nudge me, and continue to invite me, and don't give up on me.
And I'm not giving up on me either. It may take babysteps, maternity wards full of them, but I'll get there.
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